Jigglypuff's guide to human affections
by Pikana
Summary: Okay, here's the deal: Meta Knight is old fashioned and such and is absolutely amazed at the modern world's uses of hand holding, hugs and kisses. Luckily his best friend Jigglypuff is there to show him the ropes with the ability of spying. Not crack! :DD


Jigglypuff's guide to human affections

SINCE PIKACHU'S GUIDE TO DATING AN AUTHOR WAS DELETED *fumes* I decided to do this. A lot shorter and more legal. I don't own anything and if I did... yeah. Something bad would happen and such.

Yeah... I support this pairing but haven't made anything for it... yeah. Set at the start of the Brawl tournament where Meta Knight has yet to be comfortable with the other brawlers.

Yeah... XD

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"Something on your mind, MK?"

Upon hearing this question, the star warrior jumped and turned around to look at who dared to trespass his room. The fearsome fighter unsheathed his pointed blade and pointed it to the figure's neck. The newcomer gave a small chuckle and switched on the bedroom light: it was just his only friend in the infinite mansion, Jigglypuff, smirking. "I must say, I didn't know our top tier character could be such a sensitive guy." She paused as the dark blue puffball covered his blade, and then looked at him in concern. "You okay... Meta Knight? I saw you freak out at breakfast when Mario began hugging Peach."

"Was it that obvious?" the masked one grumbled; he sighed when Jigglypuff nodded her body in confirmation "I'm... just confused, Jigglypuff. At the way people these days show their affections. I know _why_ they do it, I'm not that dense, but look at those two! Back when I was younger you didn't touch someone like that until you'd been married half your lives!"

"Or had a vague understanding of what their name sounded like and was very drunk" Jigglypuff joked, knowing of the feared fighters true age. Sure he was at least a thousand years older then her (it was weirder to find Kirby one hundred years older then her, but apparently she didn't care) but he still treated her as his buddy. "However, moving on from the bad jokes…" The pink Pokemon flipped one of her curls from her face and sat by the wall beside her friend "I believe I can help you in your predicament. Pikachu told me a basic guide to human affections a short while ago, in case I found that special someone that I could sing to and made me not want to kill" she laughed heartily, Meta Knight unnoticeably sniggering under his mask at the thought of Jigglypuff not murdering someone who heard her sweet but sleep-inducing singing "if you can keep a secret, I already have. But they wouldn't appreciate it much"

"Tough break." Meta Knight mumbled, feeling a bit awkward to enquire further about his friend's feelings. "So…this little guide to human Affections, tell me about it. Then maybe I'll understand this load of human contact business" Meta Knight said, meaning the hugs and the crying that was just flying around downstairs.

"Alright then, my friend, here we go. This little lecture is split into three parts, you see, the first is hand holding. Come, Meta, we have spying to do!" Jigglypuff suddenly proclaimed, grabbing Meta Knight's stubby hand and dragging him off.

The pair slipped away out of the Smash Mansion quietly to avoid more attention from the remaining Smashers in the mansion and headed for the middle of the near by town of Smashville. When Jigglypuff had deemed it necessary, they stopped near a busy road not far from a 'zebra crossing.'

"The first hand-holding type," the balloon Pokemon began, "is safety hand-holding. Observe" At that moment they, luckily, saw spotted Pit and Snake approaching the road. The hardened mercenary was about to cross without a care in the world when an innocent hand popped out in front of his face.

"Safety first, mister Snake. We don't want you getting hit by anything" Growling a little, Snake didn't take it at first; but after realising the hand wouldn't leave, the man embarrassedly took the little angel's outstretched hand and crossed, not noticing the two laughing and/or smiling puffballs hiding behind a street lamp and a group of utterly confused tourists seeing the grown man needing assistance to cross the street.

"As you can see, Meta, safety hand-holding, when the right people have to do it, can be very funny. It could have been better if it were Ganondorf and Toon Link but I'm not picky." she giggled to Meta Knight's slight confusion. The next type is arm wrestling hand holding." She said as she pointed to a short red headed teenager and a blue haired prince who were arm wrestling on a nearby park bench.

"Just because I'm smaller than you, Marth," Roy grunted, attempting to push down his opponent's fist, "doesn't mean I'm weaker than you"

"It's just an added bonus" Marth said bored before he winced as Roy slammed his fist down.

"I win so... so bleah"

"Cheat! I was distracted! Rematch!"

"Since that's boring, we will move on." Jigglypuff said as she noticed the grey tint to Meta Knight's eyes. She then pointed to the arcade and pulled the masked winged knight inside, talking as she kept moving forward. "Next is the friendly hand-holding. Watch..." She said as she pointed to three of the smaller people in the mansion: Ness, Lucas and Popo. They appeared to be playing some arcade racing game involving some of the Mario characters and go-karts.

Just another two things Meta Knight wished he knew about.

"Come…on…Yoshi…_faster_!" Ness complained as Lucas and Popo, making enthusiastic engine sounds, whirled their hands above them. "Nooo! Not the princess! You have to overtake the _princess_!"

"We won!" Popo and Lucas shouted in unison. "Alright!" They clasped their hands together and cheered "We rule!"

"Finally" Jigglypuff closed, snapping Meta Knight out from observation "is romantic hand holding. Did you wonder where Ike was in that dear little arm wrestling match back there? Follow on, follow on" Meta Knight did so and the bubbly Pokemon made him walk until they were outside a café. Looking inside they saw Ike and Samus seated at a table, coffees forgotten in front of them and their fingers entwined; both of them with dreamy looks on their faces. Meta Knight had to bite his tongue to stop himself from laughing at Ike's dopey face; or showing any emotion for that matter, while Jigglypuff smiled. "Take all that in?"

"I think so…"

"Good. Study two: Hugging. This can also be fun" She smirked and whisked her confused friend to back to the general direction of the arcade, however they didn't have to go as far as the three boys were in the park, Ness sitting and sulking after losing his game to Lucas and Popo. "Friendly hugging first, let's keep quiet a moment…" At that moment the two aforementioned boys entered, smiling.

"Ness! Hey, how are ya... Ness?" called Lucas

"……"

"Aaw, you ain't still all mopey, are ya?" Popo and Lucas hugged their friend "Hey, if ya cheer up I'll give ya some master racing tips. Lesson one: Never be the dinosaur"

"The second is comfort hugging. If one or both of them are upset then somehow feeling someone's arms around them makes them feel better; that's happening back at the mansion. You ran out because Peach needed some consoling from Mario about something going back on at her kingdom. Again, we don't need to go into detail because we have already seen that. Then there's romantic hugging. Come with me, I think I know just where to find this example…" Jigglypuff giggled as she crept quietly away. Meta Knight gave a sigh, wondering why he was allowing his friend to do this, and followed her to what seemed to be a small house. Looking through the window, the two saw Link and Zelda who sat quietly on the couch in the living room. The lights were dimmed and Zelda sat in her hero's lap, snuggling gently into his chest with her arms around the blonde's neck. Link had his arms wrapped carefully around the princess' waist, his head resting on Zelda's. Both of them had their eyes shut and almost looked asleep, happily enjoying the feeling of each other's company as the white dog known as K.K. Rider gave them their soft and romantic private concert.

Meta Knight thought he was going to be sick. Under his mask his cheeks were burning hot. They always did when he saw any…_moments_ like that.

"Oh wait a moment…" Jigglypuff thought, a plotting smirk growing on her elastic face "I forgot one type of hug. I believe it is called a glomp"

"Glomp?" Meta Knight looked confused "What's that? Show me an example"

"I…erm…" Jigglypuff's skin became a slight reddish colour as she blushed slightly "Don't have an example. I could show you, but you wouldn't like it…"

"Do it"

The next thing Meta Knight knew, Jigglypuff had knocked him over and pinned him to the floor, one arm around him and the other keeping him up. The two smashers were almost face to face and Meta Knight's eyes and hidden cheeks were even redder than before. The Pokemon singer was just grinning madly.

"What the _**heck**_ was that?!" Panted Meta Knight, trying not to breathe as deeply as he was for his chest rose and fell so rapidly he feared the mask's slight edges would stab into him or Jigglypuff.

"That was a glomp, also known as a running tackle," she laughed, "you _did_ tell me to do it. Now get yourself up, I need to start on our next and final part of the lecture. Now…where in the name of Arceus will I find any examples for this?..." Meta Knight, shaking off his blushes and not acknowledging the pink flush on his friend's face, looked back through the window. His eyes widened, his blush darkened and he almost toppled back.

"Jigglypuff…" He gasped "look at this…" The pink one did so and tried not to beam. Link and Zelda had finally moved from their embrace, but now they were doing something that Meta Knight hadn't seen done in a _long_ time. They were locked, innocently but quite definitely, at the lips. Pink flushes across their faces as Link lovingly caressed the princess' features.

Under his mask, Meta Knight now looked like he was going to die of embarrassment.

"I was hoping we'd get to that, Meta. The third and last part of the lesson is on kissing. There is romantic kissing, the most common use of this display of affection and the one you see right there. Next is friendly kisses used in greeting. Like so…" She turned to a nearby wall and looked over it after signalling to Meta Knight to do the same. After puffing up and flying to the top of the wall, they saw Peach wandering along one part of the road and Nana strolling down the other. Then they saw each other.

"Nana!"

"Peach!"

They scurried up to one another and kissed each other on the cheeks, seeming totally unfazed. They linked arms and promptly began chatting about Brawls, dance lessons and that wonderful new perfume line they were selling down the boutique. Meta Knight was shocked, even if he didn't show it.

"Why aren't they all blushy and cuddly and stuff?" He asked his friend. Jigglypuff smiled.

"It's a method of greeting used between close friends. Commonly girls but also in-between most royalty. Next there is grateful kissing. Usually a figure of speech, but can be done. Observe, Meta-Koi" Meta Knight blushed madly at the Japanese endearment term- and looked very shocked at what Jigglypuff had just called him- but said nothing and watched where the Pokemon indicated. Peach and Nana were waving goodbye to each other outside the shop where Nana had just left. The door closed behind and the female ice climber brought out her mp3 player. As she danced along towards the road, they saw Pit and Snake again. Nana had twirled out into the road blindly just as a car came.

"Hey!" Snake grabbed her arm and pulled her back just before the car hit her "Are you blind?! You could have been hit!"

"SNAKE!" Popo came running in out of nowhere. Meta Knight was very confused by this point but Jigglypuff kept watching as though she knew everyone's moves. "You saved my sister! Aw man, I could just _kiss_ you for that!" The brunette planted a light kiss on the taller man's lips before linking arms with his sister and guiding her safely across the road. Snake was shocked and scarlet in the face; Pit was just laughing, a small camera in his hands.

Poor Snake.

"You've taught me well, Jigglypuff" Meta Knight sighed "But human affections just creep me out"

"Oh really?" Jigglypuff's face fell "We missed one. You may have heard Peach mention it, knowing her lovely formalities. Something the British call…snogging"

"What's that?..."

"Erm…I don't have an example for _that_ either… Meta Knight…" Jigglypuff blushed as she lifted Meta Knight's mask to see his cute blue face "But I can show you"

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And then I show you finishing the story!

XD! Review! For I like getting reviews at 2: 46am in the morning XD!


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